As you guys know, I have started featuring outfits worn by real people or outfits that are typical of their style. Last week it was Taylor Swift, and we all had a great laugh at her expense and agreed that Kanye West is much better and more talented, because we are intelligent, forward-thinking people not swayed by glittery dresses and curly prom hair.

This week, I am featuring Kate Middleton. Not because Kate is a real celebrity, but because, for some reason, her engagement outfit is hot stuff. I’ve gotten, like, three requests to replicate that outfit. I believe the dress was one of a kind (not sure! Don’t shoot me if I’m wrong!), so you’re out of luck there, but it was easy enough to find a very similar one.

Here are the future Mr. and Mrs. William whatever the hell his last name is I don’t really give a flying fig.

She looks cute! It’s a flattering dress – the banded in bodice to create a nice hourglass shape, the swishy skirt. Plus, blue looks good on her.

Yawn.

Can you tell I just don’t give a crap about the Royals? I mean, don’t get me wrong: my 12 year old self hates this bitch just like the rest of your 12 year old selves. But 24 year old me doesn’t give a crap. And 24 year old me certainly wouldn’t marry into the Royal Family even if you paid me. They’re creeeeepy, you guys.

Ugh. I was really, really hoping to find some hilarious Kate Middleton and Prince William fanfiction for this post. I had it all planned out in my head. I would easily locate the elusive fanfiction because my Google skills are known far across the land, and I would pick only the most hilariously bad ones, but I would pick a relatively good one, too, just to mix things up.

Then I would post the title and link to the fics, and I would write out a hilarious 2-3 sentence synopsis, maybe add some fanart I found on DeviantArt. And, oh, you guys, how we would have laughed and gamboled in the wake of discovering the hilarious offerings of the fanfiction world.

I mean, Rule 34, right? If it exists, there will be pr0n for it.

Alas, I had a hard time finding Wills/Kate (Kills? Wate?) fanfiction.

HOWEVER.

I did find some other fanfiction. And yes, it is hilarious and part of me just died inside as another part of me laughed so hard it vomited.

Torn Jeans, Starry Eyes – First of all, this is hosted on a Tripod site. TRIPOD. Apparently it’s 1998 again! Also, I have no idea what the hell this story means. There’s running, and someone says the F word a lot, and someone’s brother died. That’s all I know.

Prince William – OH MY GOD. YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS, OH MY GOD. This one is apparently a crossover fic. Starring Prince William. And…GINNY WEASLEY. That’s right! Prince William and Princess Ginny are in love or whatever AND SHE CALLS HIM BILL. God, I love insane tween girls. They should ALL be required to write and post fanfiction so that I can read it for the lolz.

Prince William and Prince Harry fanfiction – Oh, yes. It exists. On another Tripod site. The one I checked out for two seconds didn’t SEEM to be incestuous, but you never can tell with people. I’ve seen way too many mentions of Wincest (Sam and Dean, the brothers from that stupid Supernatural show) on fandom!secrets. It scars me. Also, apparently everyone wants Selena Gomez’s character on The Wizards of Waverly Place to hook up with her on-screen brother. Hahaha.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got. Let’s move on to the actual outfit. Refer to Kate’s engagement picture up above. Here’s how I replicated it for under $100.

Shape Benefits Ruched Empire Waist Dress ………. $69.99
Rampage Nicki Pumps in Black ………. $29.95

TELL ME that’s not Kate’s dress. (I mean, it’s not, but still, TELL ME that it’s not.) Pretty good, right? Right?! All the other fashion blogs are giving you lame full sleeved blue dresses but I found one that actually looks like hers! Yay! This is why Heave pays me the big bucks.

And of course, black pumps. Totally nailed it. Didn’t have enough money to figure out a necklace situation, but whatever, I got you ‘her’ dress and a pair of ‘leather’ shoes for under $30. And the whole thing for under $100. I don’t care how you spin this: I win.