Do any of you watch this show? Don’t be embarrassed: we all watch certain TV shows that we might not want to admit we watch. Once, when I was really sick, I was camped out on the couch drinking juice for like 18 hours and I watched NOTHING but “Secret Life of the American Teenager.” ABC Family was having some kind of marathon and I just…watched all of it. And I enjoyed it, too, even though I was routinely yelling things like HAHA STUPID BINT THINKS HAVING SEX WITH HER BOYFRIEND MADE GOD KILL HER DAD BAHAHA CRY MOAR.

I’m a bad person.

BUT STILL.

I watch Gossip Girl sometimes. I’m not proud of that. (I’ve seen like 3 episodes.) I watch Outsourced, even though I’m totally going to stop, because it’s mildly racist, kind of uncomfortable, and just not that funny. (But OH MY GOD BEN RAPPAPORT. I would climb that like a TREE. Seriously.) I watch Glee, and I enjoy it, despite all of its problems. (Ugh.)

So it’s okay if you watch this show. It really is. I should have done more research on it, because I don’t even know Alex’s last name. All I know is that adorable Selena Gomez is in it, and I love her soooooooooo much because she is adorable and perfect and made of hugs, and she looks exactly like my favorite little cousin, Rehana, so OBVIOUSLY this is a case of misplaced/displaced emotion/affection for a cousin that I miss and who isn’t really a part of my actual life anymore (cyberlife doesn’t count, really), SO THANK YOU SIGGIE FREUD.

But yes. Selena Gomez is Alex and she’s apparently a wizard? I don’t know. Everything these days is so complicated. Can’t trust anything, much less TV show titles.

But anyway, Selena Gomez is adorable, but I bet this show is duuuumb. 😛 I’ve seen maybe 5-10 minutes of it and I just didn’t care AT ALL. And I watched Secret Life for like a whole day. A legit day. So you KNOW I have no standards.

(All the guys still reading this just formed a single file line and are doing that gross thing where they lick their hand and run it through their hair. Easy, fellas.)

I do read Fandom!Secrets a lot, though. (So if you want to say anything to me anonymously, that’s a good place to do it! Make it so I get it, though. I’m kind of dense, so you’ll have to spell it out.) And there are usually a ton of fandom secrets about Alex. Here are some I saved.

Okay, this would be kind of cute, a 25yo dressing like a cute little teen or pre-teen or whatever Selena’s character is supposed to be, but I think Alex’s outfit here is just hideous. Too many layers, too much going on. Those knee socks with those boots? And printed tights? And that mini skirt under that loooong grandfather cardigan? Just…no. I don’t like it. I think only a teenage girl could get away with wearing something like that because they’re young girls experimenting with style and makeup and their general look, and everyone knows that and is more forgiving.

Heck, though, as a teen, I sure didn’t dress like this. As soon as I got my mom to STOP picking out my clothes (it was a hard-won battle, you guys), I basically just lived in my jeans, a Who t-shirt, and my Docs or flip-flops. It was great.

But yes. This outfit. On a kid? Cute enough, in the sense that you hope she grows out of it and knows to keep one or two aspects of it, like the printed tights, or fun boots, or something, instead of just jumbling it all together. But on a grown woman? Oh, honey, you can do better.

And apparently, everyone in the world wants Alex and her brother, Justin, played by David Henrie (I think that’s the right spelling). He also plays the kid in How I Met Your Mother – the one sitting on the couch with his sister, listening to his dad, Ted, drone on and on about how he used to be a whiny, wussy, overly-romantic douche.

But yeah, EVERYONE I’ve talked to about this show wants them together. I see secrets like these two up ALL THE TIME.

Yep, everyone is digging the incest.

What’s my position on this?

Eh. I don’t really care. I haven’t seen the show. I’m really squicked by incest and I don’t think I’d ever GENUINELY ship it. Like, if I liked the two characters and enjoyed their chemistry and sparks, I’d want to watch lots more scenes with them together, but I probably still wouldn’t ship them in a romantic way. I’d just enjoy their scenes together for the entertainment value.

BUT…that being said….I can understand how or why people would ship them despite their brother-sister relationship. Some people just set off sparks when they interact on camera. And it might not be immediately apparent to the casting directors or actual directors down the line, etc. If someone had figured out that Selena and David had such major chemistry, maybe they’d have made a last minute switch and cast him as the boy-next-door-perpetual-love-interest type, giving him a regular role on the show that would allow him to be around her all the time, etc. Also, I’ve seen a couple shows where actors and actresses cast as siblings just had great visual and personal chemistry.

(Also, didn’t Michael C. Hall just marry his TV-sister? Another example.)

So yeah, I’m holding off on being judgy. I hear they have a big fan contingent – good for you guys. Stick together, and make lots of fanvids and write lots of fanfic or whatever, because I highly doubt you’ll get your dream couple anywhere but your imaginations.

Because this is Disney.

Don’t get me wrong, Disney has its dark side, but it’s not going to broadcast it on a family channel like that. 😛 Disney works in far more insidious, subversive ways to get its seedy message across.

Anyway, remember the first secret about the girl who dresses like Alex? Remember how I said she could do better? Of course you do. You nerds hang on my every word.

So here’s an Alex-outfit that I kind of retooled and made more appropriate for young, professional women who still want to channel some of the creativity, fun, and spunk from when they were teenagers like Alex, even if they were mere muggles instead of wizards.

(WRONG MAGICAL FANDOM GOD YOU ARE A DISGRACE WHY DON’T YOU JUST AVADA KEVADA YOURSELF TO RUSSIA YOU JERK.)

OMG, chill out, you guys.

Womens Striped V-Neck Cardigan in Multi Stripe ………. $26.50
Ideal Tank in Pop Pink ………. $7.99
Merona Jeans ………. $24.99
T-Strap Hybrid Skimmer in Grey ………. $38

All right, simple enough, right?

I picked a pair of dark, straight jeans for this outfit. I was going to go with skinny jeans since the sweater is nice and long and I wanted a longer, leaner look, but I didn’t like any of the skinny jeans in the budget and then I remembered that for a lot of women, skinny jeans are really troublesome and jeans with straighter legs are usually better, so I went with these from Target. But by all means, go skinny with this outfit.

I picked a pink tank top from MadeWell, a budget version of J.Crew that I actually really like. I paired the tank with the striped sweater, but notice how it’s not perfectly matched to it. Alex’s style is like that – not all matchy-matchy, a little discordant, a little off. That’s just how she is…based on my Google search of Wizards of Waverly Place screencaps and promotional stills. The sweater is from Old Navy, mostly because they sell warm, soft sweaters on the cheap. And winter is coming. SADNESS.

And finally, since I can’t have you guys running around the office in Chucks, I threw in these grey skimmers from Urban Outfitters. They’re interesting, aren’t they? They’d look better with skinny jeans, so by all means, if you’ve got a pair that fits you great, use that instead of going with the straight leg I tossed in here.

And there we have an outfit inspired by Alex but fit for a grown-up. Yay!